Chapter 1
We all have different levels of sanity that exist inside of us and surface whenever we want them to, depending on the situation or our current mood. Sometimes we can control these levels of sanity and sometimes they are completely out of our control, but usually at that point nothing really matters to us, anyway. Life is just sort of a downhill path and we are just along for the ride, fighting, killing, surviving, and for what? I'd ceased to understand that.
At sixteen I was more jaded than a man three times my age, perhaps more. I was not exactly proud of myself and all the things that I had done but neither was I ashamed of it. Actually, I didn't feel much of anything, which might have made someone else a bit sad; I was unmoved by such emotions, having experienced the darkest depths of sadness and betrayal to the point that nothing could touch me anymore. I didn't want anything to touch me, either.
"We are being sent to Germany." Schuldig appeared at my side; I had heard him come in.
I tore my eyes away from the computer screen to stare at him blankly. "When?"
"Today."
I turned off my computer and dragged myself to my feet. It wouldn't take long to pack. I felt Schuldig watching me as I reached the door, but I ignored it. He had once told me that for such a brilliant person I had remarkably few thoughts. It just annoyed him that he couldn't read me, which was in part due to my own mental barriers and the rest due to the fact that I chose not to think if I could help it. Whereas Schuldig would have questioned anything and everything told to him, I accepted things as they were. We were being sent to Germany; good. I'm sure it would all be explained eventually so why ask "why?"
Being the relatively uncomplicated and yet complicated person that I am, I neither disliked nor liked the plane ride. It was a private jet and very nice if you were into that sort of thing. Farfello was locked in the back somewhere and every now and again we could hear him scream and rattle his chains, just like at home, but not. Schuldig was being himself, cuddling up to Brad like a cheap whore - which, I might add, he was not, despite all appearances and was very loyal to him - and as usual Brad was ignoring him. I don't know why he does that because we all know, even Farfello somewhere in his messed up mind, knows that he loves him.
Of course, that's not really my problem and if Schuldig doesn't mind then who am I to think anything of it? It might be a bit odd, but neither of them is exactly normal. Rather, none of us are exactly normal. At sixteen I've never had consensual sex and it has been a long time since I could claim to be a virgin. I would imagine the same thing happened to Schuldig because he has a major problem with giving up power and generally insists on being in control of any given situation. In his own mind it might be seen as payback, as retribution for the wrong done to him. I've never thought that way. Well, maybe at first, but now nothing means anything.
"We're here."
Schuldig is stretching and uncurling himself from his seat. I'm not sure how I fell asleep or how I managed to sleep through the landing, but apparently such a thing is more than possible. He smiles down at me and ruffles my hair, then he pulls me to my feet and I allow him, unresisting. He kisses me lightly on the cheek and tugs me toward the exit insistently; sometimes I think he likes me because I usually feel it is not worth it to protest and at other times I know he thinks of me as a brother he never had. Or, as a son. That's probably why Brad doesn't mind when Schuldig fawns over me because he knows I am not a threat and there is nothing sexual about our relationship.
"So, what are we doing here in Germany?" He seems to be calm and casual as he speaks, almost lethargic in his uncaring manner, but Brad and I both know better. Schuldig is insanely curious and probably would have torn the lady's mind apart by now, trying to find his answers, if there wouldn't be so many consequences for doing that.
"We are doing some experiments and we would like you to assist us in this. Also, we want the four of you to work with our team, Rosenkreuz, to eliminate a few pests we have floating around here." (1)
Schuldig straightened somewhat, exchanging a glance with Brad. "Experiments? What kind of experiments?"
"Oh, nothing bad," the representative said off handedly. I couldn't tell from Schuldig's expression if she were lying or not; perhaps she hadn't been given any actual details, anyway. They would have known he could read thoughts, after all. "They mostly wanted to test your abilities to see if there have been any measurable improvements and to see how much you can actually do."
Something about that sounded rather suspicious and I was not the only one who thought so. But, what could we do? We were Schwartz. They gave us everything we wanted and kept us relatively happy so until they did something extremely out of line we were not going to protest the good thing we had going. Besides, if they got to be annoying we could just kill them all, right? Shouldn't be too difficult and it wasn't as if we hadn't done the same before. We've played both sides before and in the end did what was beneficial for us. Human nature without any true loyalty except to each other. Even Farfello understood that.
Brad Crawford stepped forward towards her and Schuldig fell silent; I felt his agitation but could not fully explain it. "You said you wanted us to work with Rosenkreuz? That's impossible. We work alone." Or, at least, we always had.
"We are trying to bring down a large organization and you will need their help to do that."
Brad's eyes narrowed in his classically evil, "I don't give a damn" look. "Schwartz works alone."
The woman took a step back, glaring at him and yet intimidated at the same time. "That's what I was told. You'll have to take that matter up with Rosenkreuz." We were given some documents and after Brad and Schuldig got the gist of it, they tossed them at me, expecting me to memorize all the details for them. Typical.
"Looks like we will be meeting up with these Rosenkreuz people." The way Brad spoke those words lead me to believe that if they posed any threat, or even the threat of being annoying, they would end up dead. It was generally bad practice to kill those on the same side as you are on, even if they were in an entirely different group. However, there are exceptions to every rule, as they have all taught me. I was fairly neural on the matter; Schuldig had asked me a few months ago if I still had any feelings on anything anymore. I think I disappointed him when I answered truly, but I don't. I don't even remember what it was like to feel anymore.
"Well, shall we get this over with, then?" For some reason Schuldig seemed agitated, or at least upset over something. When Brad asked him if anything was wrong, he merely shook his head. Maybe he didn't know what was wrong or maybe he just felt it wasn't necessary to tell us yet. If it were important he would tell us eventually.
After we locked Farfello securely in our temporary residence, we hopped into an awaiting vehicle. I suggested that they allow me to drive - it wasn't as if I haven't been driving ever since I could reach the pedals, legal or not - but Brad took the driver's seat without answering me. Still, I knew if it came down to it that he would rather I drive than Schuldig; he was scary behind the wheel, never mind the fact that this was more his home than ours.
Eventually we stopped at a strange compound that made me start to sense where Schuldig's agitation was coming from. A smirk was decorating his face, but I knew it was a cover up to hide his nervousness. It was moments like that in which I desired to have some sort of telepathy so that I could know what was going on. However, if I did, I would probably be as emotional as Schuldig is and that would certainly not be worth it. Not caring meant that I was less susceptible to everything, less vulnerable.
A man came to greet us; he and Brad faced off like angry dogs ready to fight over perceived territory, the other being the invader. Schuldig and I stood on opposite sides, Schuldig threatening with his sharp eyes while I stared blankly, wondering if it would be bad to kill this person with a thought. I doubt either of them would really have minded, considering that everything about him screamed "deceptive bastard", but it was hard to tell.
"Rosenkreuz." Brad finally stated. There were going to be conflicts between the two of them, I knew; they were much too similar, too stubborn, and neither liked the other.
"Schwartz," he returned, in a condescending sort of way. I watched him closely, not liking his tone at all. It was almost as if he thought that WE were the dispensable ones, rather than he, which was not true as far as I knew. How many people with our abilities actually exist in the world, let alone in Esset, after all? Not many. "Come, I'll show you the rest of my team."
It was cold inside the compound and the feeling of wrongness intensified like a palpable pressure against my chest. For some reason it made me think that many people had died here before, even though I was rather skeptical about spirits and ghosts. Schuldig said they existed and despite his unreliable nature he has never lied to me.
We were lead into a surprisingly well lit room considering the dim light in the hallways where eight other people were seated, chatting over drinks and snacks. Most of the drinks, I noted, were alcoholic. The leader of Rosenkreuz introduced all of them, but I did not bother to learn any of their names, not feeling that it was particularly important information. Then, one of them stood and looked at me. Really looked at me and I felt my eyes narrowing involuntarily. Something about him screamed "child molester" and I abhorred those kinds of people.
"Cute kid."
Something in my mind snapped. The man flew across the room and I heard a sickeningly satisfying snap as he slammed into the far wall. Not dead, but he also would not be able to walk or move very much for a very long time. I REFUSED to be cute. I was a killer, an assassin, a telekinetic demon, but I would never be cute, especially for a creature like that.
The leader of Rosenkreuz glared first at me, then at Brad. "Learn to control your boy. We can't have him taking all of my member out of active duty."
Brad cast him an unconcerned look. He didn't like that man anymore than I had, so I knew he would not protest my actions.
"Control Nagi? No one controls Nagi," Schuldig said laughingly as he casually flopped into a chair. I watched him quietly, wondering exactly what he was thinking. He, himself, ordered me around all the time, as did Brad and I usually always did whatever they requested even if I could overpower them by sheer force. I almost had no will of my own. So, what point was he trying to prove? That I was an insane, uncontrollable force? I would have to ask what he was up to later.
~~~~~~~~~~(1) Aww, if only it were Rotes Kreuz, then I could make comments like "I wonder if they are anything like the red cross? Do they save people's lives? Disaster relief, perhaps?" As is, rosen kreuz basically means "roses cross", unless I'm mistaken and I don't think I am. So, a rosy cross? ^^; Cute. "We're all pretty and frilly and rosy! Yay!!" lol Why not Türkis Kreuz, or Grün Kreuz, huh?
Yeah, my perception of Schwartz has been severely tampered with after I watched Gluhen. I so hate how Brad looked in it (not to mention OMI!)!! This is how I see the boys in my own little mental realm that has little fictional characters playing about in it, ready to fill their roles in my fics.